Breaths

I knew it would happen. I would feel better, and still not be able to do anything. I feel better. I can't do anything. It's somewhat of an awful helpless feeling. When i ask to go to a party or if i can go running, and my mom gives me that look, that look that i know exactly what lecture she's about to give me, i have to just take breaths. In through the nose and out through the mouth. I have to continue this breathing throughout the whole lecture, which i have been hearing quite frequently. The one that starts out angry and frustrated, then slowly turns around to compassion and sympathy. "Now Emma, you can't do everything. You neeedd to decide what's important. It's ridiculous to think you are all of a sudden better, your not. I know hon, you want to go out and have fun. You will be able to soon. How about you go for only 1 hour then come home?" Hmph. Not exactly what i want, but it's a start. A couple of deep breaths, then an "okay, I'll be home in an hour." God bless my mother. She puts up with me 24/7. I'm probably not an easy daughter to have. Yea my friend's joke about how any mother would kill to have a daughter like me. On the outside, i do what I'm told,  and i get straight A's. But because I'm smart, I sometimes turn into a smart alec. I also know what i want, and i know the arguments to get me there too. But my mother handles me flawlessly and compassionately. She doesn't let me win too many arguments these days. She thinks long-term while i think here and now. I'm 16! what do you expect? She knows mono can turn into Epstein Bar, or CFS (chronic fatigue syndrome) or countless others if not treated properly. So I'm taking it slow, i feel 100% back to normal. My spleen doesn't though. Stupid spleen. Deep breaths... I went to practice today, all of practice. The first time in what feels like forever. A small accomplishment, but i had to sit and watch. No running, no playing, no nothing. I sat there and took deep breaths as i watched my teammates have fun and become better soccer players together. I'm jealous, highly. I'm getting better, and stronger. I went all day yesterday and didn't even have to take a nap. I'll keep going. I'll keep breathing.
xoxo em.